My toddler son is the reason I can’t do “For the D*ck Challenge” though I want to so bad

I can rap. I’ve always known that I can rap. I almost shared my skills with the world so I can get my shine on when I saw so many women I love flowin’ for the D. You know the #ForThatDickChallenge that’s taken over our feeds.

Ladies from Erykah Badu, Issa Rae to Sanaa Lathan all put it down and killed it for the D. I found myself bobbing to the beat, resharing their videos. I mean I was hella ready. I started putting lines down in my head. Got some pen and paper (yeah I’m old school) and I started writing it all down.

Last night I found the beat and put in on so I could practice. I was about to straight up go ham on the beat. Then I saw my son’s teddy out the corner of my eye looking at me. And I swear it said “Oh really? You bout to put it down for the D?”. (Teddy bears such freakin busy bodies! Smh)

Teddy reminded me of something I had forgotten in my quest for D fame.

Right! I thought. I have a two year old son. One day he grow up. This my son will be 13 years old feeling awkward about all my responsible sex ed talk. During this same time As this my son would be dealing with all this awkwardness at exactly 1pm on a Friday in class another awkward boy will pass him a phone and ask, “HEY! Isn’t this your mom?” He will take the phone ready to say yeah thats my mom because he would assume it was news about another million dollar deal I would have just signed but instead it will be me spitting bar for the D.

I imagined him feeling completely embarrassed and betrayed because if I list all the damn things I don did for the D chai! What would I say to him when he got home and confronted me? “Mama! You did all this for the D?” I mean what would I say to this boy? Who would now have to live with the humiliation of his mother’s disastrous deeds done for the D and now archived for the kids to see. Yeah that will not be my portion! Nobody will tease my son because of the D. No D for me. Everything I ever did and do for the D shall go down in history dead, buried, and forgotten even if it was only last week that I did it, I never did it. It wasn’t me!

Each morning I wake up a virgin with no history of D-edication. Nope. Not me. I don’t even know what that thing is and I never seen it in my life. That’s my story.

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